|
| |
What
Fathers Think:
Favorite
Quotations from Famous People and Ordinary Fathers
Robert Naseef, Ph.D.
Oftentimes men seem to have a more muted
language, so it is no surprise when others wonder what a man really thinks.
Recently I asked a number of men who have children with special needs about
their reflections on fatherhood. Our fathers are vital to all of us, and these
men are vital to their children. Here’s what they told me:
 | Now that I am a
father, I have a different relationship with work. It’s not my whole life
anymore. |
| Having a daughter
with Down syndrome has changed my notion of what comprises a bad day. I
appreciate life in such a different and more profound way. |
| I have learned to see
past what my son (who has autism) isn’t and focus on who he is. It takes time
to find it in your heart. |
| My children’s smiles
are my smiles—the one who has CP and the one who doesn’t. They light up my
life. |
| My father was a hard
worker and he taught me to be. He required it. Now I have a child with
special needs, and I work hard to be the best father I can be for him. |
| I grew up without my
father because my parents divorced when I was very young. I was always
determined to be there for my children. Now that I have two boys with special
needs, they need me more than ever. |
| My father had a
horrible temper. I was determined to do better. My daughter’s disability
taught me such humility as I learned to accept what I could not change. |
| I am a fixer, and I
can’t fix this. There is no wrench to pull out of my toolbox. |
| When I get home at
night and my kids run to greet me and laugh—that’s the best part of my day. |
 As
you can see, there is much wisdom in the observations and reflections of these
fathers. They are fairly typical of many father fathers I have met—both with
and without children with special needs. Now let’s consider what some well
known people have said about fatherhood:
| When you become a
parent, it is your biggest chance to grow again. You have another crack at
yourself. Parents are like shuttles on a loom. They join the threads of the
past with the threads of the future and leave their own bright patterns as
they go. |
Fred Rogers of “Mr. Rogers
Neighborhood”
| It is a wise child
who knows his own father. |
Homer
| When I was a boy of
fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man
around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned. |
Mark Twain
| Of all nature’s gifts
to the human race, what is sweeter to a man than his children? |
Cicero
| The child is the
father of the man. |
William Wordsworth
| A baby has a way of
making a man out of his father and a boy out of his grandfather. |
Angie Papadakis
| It doesn’t matter who
my father was; it matters who I remember he was. |
Anne Sexton
| When one has not had
a good father, one must create one. |
Friedrich Nietzsche
| I have found that the
best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and
then advise them to do it. |
Harry S. Truman
 The
themes articulated by these more well known people are much the same. Fathers
are vital. When a child is diagnosed with special needs, it can be a grief like
no other. It is an event that changes and transforms us. It will drive us
places we never wanted to go. Men and women alike look to their fathers for
comfort and strength and acceptance. As hard as it has been, I must say that my
son, autism and all, is one of the best things that ever happened to me. As we
pause to honor fathers this year, the hidden wisdom of the unknown and the well
known can be a guide.
|
